It’s Christmas day. Our home is decorated inside and out with ornaments and holiday trinkets. Garland carefully draped along the shelves. Four red and white stockings are carefully hung up. The tree looks beautiful. It’s filled with glass bulbs and homemade ornaments, some from when I was a kid. The tree sparkles with twinkling lights topped off with a glittery silver star. In spite of all this, it doesn’t feel like Christmas to me. It was only a few months ago when I
We all experience grief in our own way. I suppose some people can process grief more easily than others. I am not one of those people. While its only been three months since Erik died, I find myself wading through a riptide of grief.
I have reached out to people to talk to. I have gone to support groups. They all say the same thing, that this will be a long road and that I will never truly get over it.
Then I began to wonder how the different beliefs and faiths help
The palms of my hands hurt. Yet the scorching pain in my heart is relentless. I feel as if I am losing my mind. The hardest times for me are when I am alone. I become distracted, lost in memories. I try to focus on my family, my work, and household chores but it has become an internal battle. This feeling inside has been building and growing and gaining strength inside me for a while now, it has energy and heat and depth. It spreads to every part of my body. Every day I
Erik, I'm struggling so bad.. How the hell do I accept this? How do I continue to live without feeling guilty you're not?
My best friend, my brother I miss you terribly. Every night I stand out in my driveway because that's the last place I saw you when I got back from CO and I just talk to the sky like a crazy person, I feel like my chest is shaking on the inside, my whole body gets tense and I feel paralyzed. I love you so much "bestfran," I feel you when I need you most,
I think my husband is worried about me, seriously worried. Sunday night I was watching a show on TV. It was the last episode, the series finale. I was lying in bed because I had a headache earlier and just wanted to watch some mindless television and rest. The main character died suddenly. I broke down. Now I am crying, sobbing, curled up tightly, half hidden under a pillow. This pain is unrelenting. It is overwhelming. It strikes anytime it wants to and when it doe
Erik was only twenty, a life just begun. He loved his family, his friends, and having fun. He was not perfect, but none of us are. He found independence, buying his first car. Erik had plans and dreams, like most young men. He shared them with me, again and again. One fateful day, a mother's worst fear. On the phone his friend screamed, "QUICK, COME HERE!" I arrived at the scene, Erik's car crushed and shattered. Breathless and scared, my mind was scattered. Blue and red ligh
These last few days have been very difficult. I don’t know why but I have been extremely emotional this week. Grief has a funny way of sneaking up on you at the oddest of times. For me, it happens when I am washing the dishes, walking the dogs or simply driving to work. Regular routine tasks become tear filled chores. It hasn’t even been a month since my son, Erik, left us, yet my pain and sorrow have only deepened. Sometimes I feel like I am moving around in a fog, just
When my son was young we used to go to the airport to watch the planes take off and land. He must have been about four years old. There was a small parking area just outside the fence line of the airport’s landing strip. On a short stretch of grass between the parking spaces and the fence line there were a few picnic tables. My son and I would sit at the picnic table closest to the fence. We loved to watch those planes. He was always amazed to see them drop out of the sky and