A look back at 2018
Before 2018 comes to a close, I wanted to take some time and look back on this year’s journey. I think it’s important to look back and reflect on this year before planning ahead to the New Year.
For me, 2018 started out with great anticipation of the year and the goals I had set for myself. I had many things to look forward to. One of the best things to have happened was getting married to someone who, if I believed in soul mates, he would be it.
In May I decided to STOP procrastinating with publishing my writing and START publishing my writing. That is when My Marvelous Journey was born.
My original intent for this blog was to write about my personal experiences as a family member of an addict. I wanted to help others who find themselves in this position and don’t know what to do.
One of the most popular blogs posted is The Addict’s Wife which talks about what it is like to be the wife of an active drug addict. My role as fixer, protector, and rescuer became my top priority until eventually I realized I had lost myself in his addiction.
It took a long time for that realization to happen, leaving a wake of chaos in it’s path. I finally came to the conclusion that this was not healthy for me or for my kids. It was time to make some changes.
Forgiving the addict in your life and why you DON'T have to was also quite popular. Forgiveness was something that I personally struggled with for a long time. Many people told me that I needed to forgive in order to move on. I did not want to forgive him. The chaos and destruction that he caused, to me, was unforgivable. In my mind forgiveness meant condoning the bad behavior. I learned how to move forward and not forgive him and that’s okay.
In July, my older son, Erik, moved back home with us. He had big plans for himself. I loved his excitement each time he talked about opening his own auto repair shop. He turned twenty on August 5th. We celebrated with cupcakes. We laughed and talked and had a great night. On August 11th he was tragically killed in a car accident. I still hate saying those words, tears well in my eyes every time.
Because of his accident and the wide range emotions that comes from such an untimely and unexpected tragedy, my blog seemed to change course. My Heart Aches was the first blog I posted just two weeks after the accident. I was trying to come to terms with his death.
One month after Erik’s accident I posted I Need Help Getting Through This.
I needed help, I knew it and finally I began asking for it. I also wanted to give permission for friends and family to talk about Erik without worrying if they would upset me. Talking about him made me feel good, not better, but good.
The fifth most popular blog was How Often Have You Been Disappointed by the Addict in Your Life? With addiction comes manipulation and disappointment. With addiction, promises made are seldom promises kept. Lowering my expectations was how I managed to deal with the disappointment.
I will continue to write about my recovery from living with an active addict. I will also continue to write about how I am coping with my grief. Both are important to me and I hope to others.
I wish you all a very Happy New Year!
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