I am not alone in my grief
These last few days have been very difficult. I don’t know why but I have been extremely emotional this week. Grief has a funny way of sneaking up on you at the oddest of times. For me, it happens when I am washing the dishes, walking the dogs or simply driving to work. Regular routine tasks become tear filled chores.
It hasn’t even been a month since my son, Erik, left us, yet my pain and sorrow have only deepened. Sometimes I feel like I am moving around in a fog, just existing. I have to force myself to keep moving, keep going forward, if only for the sake of his brother. He misses Erik too. We all do.
Today, I was sitting here by myself thinking no one else was as sad as I am or missing him as much as I do. It was then, that my phone beeped, interrupting my thoughts, the Facebook message glared on my screen.
I almost did not look to see who had posted something. But I clicked on the notification anyway and read a post from Erik’s cousin, Kyla. I cried as I read it. I could feel her pain. I am not alone in my sadness. I am not alone in my grief.
We all miss Erik so very much. He meant something different to each one of us. We are all struggling to deal with the fact that we now have this big empty hole in our hearts.
Another day without you.
Still feel so surreal. They say you’re ok now, but with pain my heart has filled.
With time things will be fine, the days just seem so long. You called 3 days before, damn... I shoulda answered the phone. Just to hear your voice or whatever noise was on your side.
Help me Erik, I can’t seem to find what’s left of my pride. I miss you man & when shit hits the fan I’ll just look up to you and smile. Cause with your wings around me, I might, just sleep soundly even for just one night.
When your mom cries I hold her & we both say “I know”. We cry together bout your goofy ass, it never failed to show. I never thought I’d hold my mom with all her slobber on my arm. Shit was tragic but it happened. Still can’t believe that you’ve been harmed.
KJ & Aubs are broken too, they smile a little different now. But they know you’re with them, and best believe we’ll always hold it down.