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  • Mary Jensen

The Eulogy I Could Not Give



The day Erik was born was one of the two happiest days of my life. The second of course, being the day his brother, Christopher was born. These two boys own my heart completely.

When Erik was born, I started writing a journal to him. Each entry started with "Dear Erik". In the beginning I would make entries every day, for example, Dear Erik, you smiled for the first time today. I wrote about the first time he sat up on his own, about his first steps, the first time we took him to the beach, and his first day of school.

As time went on, the entries were not as frequent, but I kept up with it over the years. I planned to make a book out of this journal and give it to him one day in the future, perhaps when he had his own first child. I never thought I would be making this final journal entry or that I would never be able to share with him any of the joy he brought me.

Dear Erik,

Last Saturday we sat in the front yard and talked over coffee. We talked about getting a gazebo so you and your friends would have some place outside to hang out without getting attacked by the giant mosquitoes.

You told me about all the big plans you had for your car. I could see how proud you were and how excited you were to start your new job next week so that you could fix the car up.


I remember teasing you about something, although right now I cannot remember what it was, but you rolled your eyes at me and smiled. It was the last smile I would see, the last hug I would get, and the last time I would hear you say, “I love you too, Mom”.

I will miss you every single day. I will miss your smile, your laugh and even that look you give me when you think I am wrong and you are right.

I love you Erik, big whole lot.

Love,

Mom

#mothersgrief #grief #families #lossofachild #emotions #death #life #ErikHoxie

 
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